


Pele and Anubis at Dinner

by NotAnselAdams



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Deities, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 15:37:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18641041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAnselAdams/pseuds/NotAnselAdams
Summary: An old short story published in my community college's literary magazine, Inscape.  My second official time being published!  I always regretted not going back to this world to create more fic fun.  It was a fun world and I'm glad I can still go back there should I choose to do so.





	Pele and Anubis at Dinner

 

** Pele and Anubis at Dinner **

 

**by Gabriel Garcia  
© 2004, Revised March 2011**

 

            “Eating alone again, sir?”

            The glum jackal-headed man sat with his chin in his hands, elbows propped atop the table, but spared enough effort to shoot a withering glare at the insolent maître d'hôtel.  “No, I'm not eating alone _again._ I'm waiting for someone who's late.”

            “Of course you are, Mr. Anubis.  Shall I have the wine steward pour you another glass?”

            Anubis waved him away with a hand.  “Begone with you.”

            The maitre d' ignored the black cloud forming over the Egyptian god's head (physical manifestations of clients' dispositions were common) and allowed himself a slight smile as he returned to his station near the entrance just in time to see the goddess enter.  She was cloaked in fire, her hair jet-black when visible.  She had chosen to allow a white floor-length skirt to emerge unmarred and wore the flames as a matching blouse.  Her back was bare, and her long, toned bronze arms tapered to two delicate hands, fingernails tinted bright red.  Two drop-shaped earrings of fine obsidian and a small handbag complemented her outfit.       “Madame Pele! Of all the Hawaiian gods and goddesses, you have been the most missed.  I can have your usual table made available for you at once, if you wish?”

            Pele basked in the attentions of the fawning maitre d' for a minute or two, extending a hand for him to kiss once, before withdrawing it quickly.  “That won't be necessary.”  The woman's gravelly utterance halted the man’s obsequiousness.  She inhaled deeply.  “What is that? It smells very good.”

            “Beef Wellington, I believe.  Of course, your usual can be prepared for you, if you desire.”

            She smiled at the man.  “You remember.  That's really very sweet.”

            He sighed contentedly, having pleased the goddess.  The moment was broken when she asked, “Has Anubis been here yet?”

            “Anubis? Er, oh yes – he is here . . .”

            “Show me to his table, please.”

            After the maître d'hôtel got over his initial shock, he silently led Pele into the deep recesses of the establishment, and to a table by a glass wall with a view of the cloudbanks below.  There sat Anubis, muttering something to his now-empty third glass of wine.  Pele smiled as her seat was pulled out for her.

Anubis looked up in surprise, still frowning, although the black cloud dissipated.  “You're late.”

“It's good to see you too.”  Pele began to search the interiors of her crimson clutch purse.

            Anubis looked at the maitre d' and stuck his tongue out in a show of maturity.  The chastened employee quickly departed.  “How's the caldera, as smoky as ever?”

            “Mount Kilauea is just fine, thank you for asking.  You really should visit more often.”

            Anubis shook his head.  “Mm, no thanks.  The humidity makes me fur poof up.  Pele dear, what _are_ you looking for?”

            Pele did not look up or cease her hunt.  “A breath mint.”

            Anubis waved at the wine steward.  “I'm sure your breath smells fine.”

            Pele pulled a box of Altoids out and set it in front of Anubis.  “They're for you.”  Anubis frowned momentarily, but smiled as the wine steward began to make his way towards them.  Pele raised a hand, and the steward promptly turned and departed in another direction.  “Don't you think you've had enough for now?”

            Anubis crossed his arms and slumped back in his chair.  “I got lonely.  I thought you were going to stand me up again.”

            “I told you that was a fluke – Hi'iaka was rather upset about her breakup with Hermes.  She was threatening to do something catastrophic, like take up disco.  I had to stay with her.  Actually, it's funny – she was also the reason I was late today.  She claims it's the two-month anniversary of her breakup.”

            Anubis raised an eyebrow skeptically.  “Since when do you care so much about your sister?”

            “What are you talking about? I've always cared for her. It's just sometimes, she's a real pain.”  Pele brushed her long hair back off her shoulder, then graced Anubis with a smile.  “How are you?”

            Anubis scratched his onyx chin before calmly folded his hands on the table.  “Unappreciated.”

            “Come, come.  That's not what you really were going to say.  How are you?”

            Anubis dropped his gloomy demeanor and said grudgingly, “Better, now that you're here.”

            “That's the Anubis we all know and love.”  Pele opened the menu and began to peruse it.

            Anubis gave her a dubious look.  “Why are you even consulting your menu? We all know what you're going to order.”  He rolled his eyes.  “You order it everywhere.”

            “I think I'll be eating my usual as an appetizer.  I'm in the mood for something sweet.”

            Anubis perked up.  “Really?”

            Pele gave him an intense gaze.  “Really.”

A waiter floated over to their table.  “Are you ready to order?  Today's special is a wonderful alfalfa sprout salad, arranged by Demeter.  I highly recommend it.”  
            “Demeter,” Pele sniffed.  “Is that what she's going by today?  I thought it was Ceres.”  
            “Now, P, don't make a scene,” Anubis whispered.

            “Very well.  I'll have some poi as an appetizer, and some ambrosia.”

            “I'll try the alfalfa salad, along with a bowl of fresh fruit, and some ice water in honor of my companion here.”

            Pele rolled her eyes.  “ _Very_ funny.”

            As the waiter departed, Pele noticed her dinner companion had returned to gazing out the window.  Usually, you could not keep the loquacious Anubis from prattling on throughout an entire meal.  Clearly, something was bothering him.  “How are you doing? We've not spoken for a few days.”

            Anubis shrugged one shoulder.  “Meh.”

            Pele frowned.  “I don't know what that means.  It doesn't sound good.”

            The Egyptian deity let out a long sigh.  “I'm irrelevant.”

            “My goodness, Anubis! I wasn't that late.  Honestly, it's just that Hi'iaka is so emotionally --”

            Anubis waved Pele's explanation away.  “I don't mean just today.  I'm talking about followers, worshippers, down there.” He shrugged, sitting back in his chair.  “Everyone has forgotten the great god Anubis these days.  I used to be charged with weighing the hearts of the deceased to test for mortal sins – an important task, mind you! Those found wanting were food for the beast, their souls destroyed! These days, I'm lucky if some untalented screenwriter uses me as a villain in a bad Egyptian horror flick.”

            Pele clucked her tongue.  “Poor thing.”  She patted Anubis on the arm.

            “ **Yowch!** ” Anubis yanked his limb back; a fire now engulfed his forearm.  The waiter chose that moment to bring their orders and Anubis grabbed the glass of water, dousing the conflagration.

            Pele had the grace to look chagrined.  “Sorry.”

            Anubis adopted a serene, enigmatic expression.  “I always said you were hot stuff.”

            “Don't go there, dog boy.”

            Anubis smiled slightly, but still seemed a bit melancholy.  Pele continued.  “It's simply not true that you've been forgotten.  Why, just the other day I was surfing the internet and ran across a site put up by some very interesting young girls claiming to be Wiccans who say you are a great deal of fun to talk to.”

            Anubis scoffed and ate a couple of apple slices from his fruit bowl.  “Adolescents who like to play Sabrina the Teenage Witch.  Now there are some followers to be proud of.”

            “You know, they claimed you were quite easy to talk to and very willing to listen.  Are you telling me it was all lies?”

            The god scratched one of his alert ears in a nervous habit Pele had always found endearing.  “Well, I didn't say that.  Unfortunately, I've got little better to do if someone wants to have a brief conversation, my state has sunk that low.”

            Pele poked Anubis in his bare chest with a finger, making sure not to burn him this time.  “Still, they believe in you, and that's something.”

            Blushing slightly, Anubis looked down into his fruit bowl, picking out grapes.  “It's no big deal.”

            “You always were very considerate of others.  Most people just make fun of how bookish Thoth is, always writing in that papyrus scroll of his, but you befriended him.”  Pele picked up a spoon and tasted the poi that she had ordered.  With a small sound of delight, she began to take bigger spoonfuls.

            Anubis looked at his now silent companion.  “How can you eat that stuff? It tastes like crap.”

            Pele glared at him and put her spoon down.  “It is my favorite Hawaiian dish.”

            Anubis grinned devilishly.  “Really? You're mine.”  He winked at her.  She rolled her eyes and ate her poi, but they both chuckled.  After a few moments of eating, Anubis leaned in slightly.   “So, what about you? Curse anyone today?”

            Pele raised an eyebrow.  “Why do you care?”  
            “I've got to get my omnipotent kicks vicariously these days through you."

            Pele seemed to consider it for a moment before sitting back in her chair.  “Today, despite being told several times about the local customs, a tourist from Sheboygan took two lava rocks and put them in his pocket.  A couple of hours later, back at his hotel, he fell down some stairs and twisted his ankle.  Later that evening, sitting by the pool and sharing a drink with his wife, a passing waiter offered him a sample of baklava.  Not knowing he was allergic to pine nuts, he bit into one and began to suffer anaphylaxis, but the hotel medical staff was able to shoot enough epinephrine into him to save his life.”

            Anubis's mouth was in the shape of a small _o_.  “Wow, that's harsh.”

            “Tomorrow, he and his wife plan to return the rocks from whence they came.”  Pele sat back and smiled.  “And the legend of Pele's curse lives on.”

            The two ate in companionable silence for a couple of minutes.  “You know, Thoth was telling me that whole curse thing was an urban legend created by a tour guide.  That wouldn't be true, would it?”

            Pele gave her companion a carefree shrug.  “Does it matter whether it was my creation, or the story of another, when the result is the same?  People still believe in my power.”

            “Wouldn't you prefer willing zealots to those who cower in fear?"

            Pele laughed once, waving a hand.  “I'll take what I can get.  Besides, when a volcano erupts, suddenly everyone's a believer.” 

“Must be nice,” Anubis said gloomily.  He pushed his fruit bowl away and waved a waiter over, ordering yet another glass of wine.  The waiter surreptitiously glanced at Pele, who nodded.  As the waiter left, Pele pondered how to cajole Anubis out of his current mood.   “How's Ra these days?”

            Anubis snorted.  “Oh, as egotistical and sophomoric as ever. They opened up a nightclub in his honor in Vegas.”

            “Really? I'm sure you heard about _that_ for weeks.”

            Anubis accepted the wine glass from the waiter with a sigh.  “Yes, he's quite convinced all those people gyrating and imbibing Liquid X are doing it in honor of him, as some strange form of worship.  And you know since he considers anyone sunbathing to be in awe of his power, Sin City is just about one of his favorite places.”

            Pele shook her head.  “The poor sap.”  She stopped suddenly, nearly dropping her spoon and putting a hand on the table.  “Anubis.  Look over there.”

            Anubis cocked his head as he began to turn.  “Where? What?”

            “No, don't look! They might notice you.  It's _Hermes_.  With – with that little hussy!”  Pele gasped.  “They're coming over here!”  Pele suddenly became very interested in her ambrosia.

            Anubis looked over to see Hermes floating towards them, hand in hand with Persephone.  The two alighted by the table, and Hermes gave Pele a winning smile.  “Pele, darling! I thought that was you.  I always could spot you from a mile away, you know.  How is everything?”  
            “I'm here too, you know.”

            Hermes gave the jackal a baleful stare.  “Oh yes.  Hello, Anubis.”  He turned back to Pele.  “I trust you two know Persephone?”

            “I know of her.  I've never had need of her services, but she comes highly recommended by the many men who have used her,” Anubis said with a winsome smile and a wink at Pele.

            Hermes fumed, but Persephone frowned and said, “But I don't have a job.”

            Pele patted Persephone's hand.  She yelped and pulled it back, smoke wafting up.  “Now, now. Don't be so hard on yourself.  Just because you lie on your back all day doesn't mean you don't work.”

            Hermes jumped in.  “Pele, I'm sure you don't mean to be so rude.  We won't take it personally.  I've heard that when a woman is sexually frustrated, she can start to take it out on others.”

            “Frustrated! The only thing that frustrates me is seeing you parade around with Mrs. Hades here! Have you no shame?” Pele looked at Persephone, her fire-blouse increasing in magnitude, with a slow burn in her eyes.  “How IS your husband these days, anyway?”

            Persephone shrugged.  “It's springtime.  I don't have to see him for a couple more months.”

            “Yes, and who she chooses to spend her free time with before returning to an evil man who tricked her into marrying him is hardly any of _your_ concern, Pele.”  Hermes gave Persephone a little kiss on the cheek, and she giggled.  Anubis opened his mouth and stuck a finger in his throat, crossing his eyes.  Pele looked away from him so as not to laugh. 

            Hermes asked, “How's your sister doing – what was her name again, Hibachi?”

            “Her name is Hi'iaka, as you well know.  How she is doing is none of your concern.”

            “I hear she's quite over me, and already has had many . . . companions.”

            Pele's voice grew low.  “ **Who** she is doing is none of your concern, either.”

            “You should be concerned with who Persephone's doing,” Anubis chimed in.

            Hermes looked at her, then at Anubis.  “What do you mean, Rover?”

            “Well, Thoth said she seemed rather chummy with Zoroaster last night, at the opera.”

            “Zoroaster!” Hermes turned on Persephone.  “I _knew_ it!”

            Persephone shrugged.  “He's a friend, Hermie.  Just like you are.”  She played with his collar.

            Anubis and Pele silently mouthed to one another, _Hermie?_

            Hermes pulled Persephone's hand away from his clothing.  “You said I was the only love you wanted to spend time with!”

            “At the moment I said it . . . you were! But there are a lot of moments, when you're eternal.”

            “Pearls of wisdom,” Anubis intoned.

             “Hermie, I like to have a lot of different friends! I thought you understood that.  Zoroaster gets it.”

            “And probably did, after the opera,” Anubis added helpfully.

            “Shut up, Rover.  No one bade you speak.” Hermes pushed Anubis in the shoulder.  “At least some of us _are_ getting some.  Who'd ever do you?”

            Pele sat forward and said without thinking, “I would!”

            Persephone cooed at Anubis, touching one of his ears.  “Ooh, me too.”

            Hermes had a fit of apoplexy and could not respond for a couple of moments.  Finally, he turned to Pele and said, “You really should try the pork chops.  They're _divine_.”

            Pele looked stricken.  “What?”

            “Don't you remember? I dated your sister for over a year.  She told me everything.  Including how much you used to love the other white meat.”

            Pele pounded the table and stood up.  “Of all the insolence!” Her flames expanded in all directions.  Persephone took a couple of steps back, and Anubis scooted away as the fire licked at his chin.  He frowned, wondering what about a particular meat product would vex her in such a manner.  Then, grinning and picking out a small pomegranate from his fruit bowl, he tossed it to Hermes, who caught it reflexively. 

            “What the hell is this for?”

            “You know Persephone's story as well as the rest of us, _Hermie_.  Get her to eat a couple seeds.  Maybe after every few 'friends' she'll come back to you.”  He sighed.  “But probably not.”

Hermes crushed the fruit in his hand and stormed towards the entrance without another word, and without Persephone.  After a moment, Pele collected herself and sat back down.

            “So . . . my mom owns this restaurant, you know.  I hope you enjoyed your dinners.  I don't know what Hermes is talking about though, we don't serve pork.”

            “Dinner was fine, Persephone,” Pele said through clenched teeth.  “Go away now.”

            Anubis held up a finger.  “Manners, P.”

            “ _Please_ go away now, before I maim you severely.”

            “Oh dear.  I do think I have to be somewhere else.”  Persephone quietly slipped a small card into Anubis' collar.  “Call me if you ever want to have some fun.” She winked.  “I like black men.”

            As Persephone left, Anubis pulled the card out of his collar and stuck his tongue out.  “Yuck!” He handed it gingerly to Pele, touching it with only two fingers.  “Burn it.”

            “Glad to.” Pele did so, and then pounded the table once.  “The nerve of that Hermes! He well knows my sister's been heartbroken since she caught him in bed with Persephone! What an ass!”

            “My dear, you slander all of donkeykind to compare them to such a man.”

Pele smiled at Anubis.  “Touché on that pomegranate number.  It's fortunate there was one in your fruit bowl.  I'm surprised Ceres would allow them to be served here after . . . you know.”

            “I'm sure she wouldn't.  Fortunately, it is _de rigueur_ for beings such as ourselves to get what we want, when we want it.  I just happened to want that fruit at that time.  I didn't know it'd come in handy, honest!" Anubis adopted a glowing, golden halo over his head momentarily, a coy grin on his face.  Pele could not help but laugh.  Pele signaled the waiter for the bill.  Anubis opened his mouth to speak to Pele, but she held up a finger.

            “No.  Don't go there.”

            He smiled.  “You're clairvoyant, too? Such a woman!”

            “I just know you, dog boy.  You're going to bring up what I said to Hermes about doing you.”

            “Actually, I was going to ask why you hate pork products so.”

            Pele shivered.  “Kamapua'a.”

            “Gesundheit!” Anubis frowned, trying to remember. “Isn't he the pig god?”

            Pele nodded once. “I can't bear to eat anything that reminds me of my psycho ex.”

            Anubis grinned widely and leaned in conspiratorially.  “You and he used to–? Details, details!”  
            Pele thrust a palm at him, pushing his snout back.  “The proper mortal expression here would be, ‘Talk into my hand’, I think.”

            Anubis chuckled.  “Close enough.”  The waiter returned with the bill, which Pele quickly grabbed and with one fluid motion, paid for with some bills she extracted from her purse.  “Hey! What kind of gentleman would I be if I let my chick pay for dinner?”

            “It's a new millennium.  Women can pay for things too.  Get with it, Daddy-o.”

            “‘Talk to the hand?’ ‘Daddy-o?’” Anubis rolled his eyes.  “Whom have you been talking to, my dear? That slang is absolutely squaresville!”

            They stood up and Anubis offered Pele his arm, which she graciously accepted, abating her blouse to a low crackle so as not to ignite his own clothing or skin.  Together, they slowly wended their way towards the entrance.  Anubis looked over at his date.  “About that sleeping with me comment—”

“I knew you wouldn't let that one go.”

“Well, it's just that I thought you didn't want anyone to know we were more than just . . . friends, or steady dinner companions.”

            Pele shrugged. “I think I'm getting over that.  There's nothing to be ashamed of.”  She looked over at him, her expression genuine. “ _You're_ nothing to be ashamed of.”

            Anubis placed one hand over his heart and tapped his chest twice, paused, then did it again.  Pele gave him a small kiss on the cheek.  The maitre d' held the door open for them as they stepped out of the restaurant.  Anubis turned to his Pele and adopted a nonchalant tone. “So . . . what shall we do now? The night is young, and the realms are ours to explore.”

            “Go back to your place? Your bed is comfy.”

            Anubis looked shocked. “My bed? What are your intentions towards me, Madame Pele?”

            “Oh, don't pull that with me.  You know you always get some when I order dessert.”

            Anubis pumped a fist.  "Score!”


End file.
